Fear of goodbye
by luckyinugirl
Summary: Yuri has a nightmare and finds himself in front of Victor.
1. Chapter 1

**My first Yuri on Ice fanfic! This idea came to me while I was trying to sleep lol. Enjoy and tell me how I did!**

His brown eyes flew open, his once lightly tanned cheeks were a bright red and his body shook as he struggled to calm his breathing. _'Th - that wouldn't really happen, would it?'_ Yuri asked carefully. ' _Would Victor really leave me all alone? No. He wouldn't... But I can't help thinking that he will end up doing so. He's so much better than me yet he sees something in me that I don't. That nightmare though...'_ His eyes filled with tears as he unconsciously held himself tightly underneath the blue covers.

The moonlight flooded in from the window next to the bed to signal it was the middle of the night but Yuri didn't pay attention to it. He was still under the covers, still disagreeing with himself and still trying to catch his breath after an hour or so after the nightmare. He knew he shouldn't let it get to him due to the fact he would end up doing something unconsciously, but the black haired Asian couldn't help it. Every time he closed his eyes, the thought of Victor leaving him came to mind. It terrified him.

Yuri's tears fell heavily down his cheeks as his body began moving on its own; towards the bedroom door with a sheet wrapped in his right arm. He couldn't control his own body as he continued to head down the hallway, whispering in a shaky voice the name of the Russian he adored too much. "Victor." It came out low, yet shaky and filled with little confidence as Yuri took a few more steps closer towards Victor's room. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he continued his journey. His mind flooded with every moment he'd ever spent with Victor, causing him to bite his bottom lip so no one could hear his cries. _'There's no point in trying to quiet them... My family always knows if I cry and start asking questions. I always lie to them about it so I'll just do the same as usual in the morning.'_ He took a deep breath as his body faced a sliding door similar to his. His left hand reached out to open it, only to fall back to his side as the eclectic sliding door opened, revealing a tired yet surprised silver haired Victor.

His mind blanked for a moment before realizing he was standing in front of Victor who was staring at him worriedly. "Please tell me I'm having another nightmare..." Yuri didn't care if the beautiful light blue - green eyed man was watching him. He collapsed to his knees, bringing the blanket to his chest tightly. ' _How did I get here? I remember waking up in my room then I began thinking about what happened in my nightmare. I don't remember leaving my room at all.'_ Yuri looked up when he felt a pair of strong hands on his shoulders.

"Yuri..." Victor's gentle accented voice reached the younger man's ears as the Russian stared into tear filled brown eyes. "What's wrong?" Yuri continued to stare for a bit longer before he finally burst out crying, his tears falling off his face onto his legs as he didn't bother trying to wipe them away. The five time gold medalist stiffened as he struggled of what to do. _'I've only seen Yuri cry once and that was when I was trying to see what would happen if I broke him. I don't think kissing him in this situation would help and he hasn't really said anything to me. So what should I do to calm him?'_

Yuri's small and scared voice interrupted the Russian's thoughts. "Victor?" He turned his eyes from the older man, hoping he had enough courage to ask this shameful question. "I had a nightmare. And I hope it never happens but I have to ask you no matter what." Yuri hid his face in Victor's green robe and wrapped his gentle arms tightly around the twenty eight year old. "Would you ever leave me?" It came out as more of a whisper but Victor had heard it loud and clear.

Sighing softly, he carefully ran his fingers through Yuri's dark, messy hair to hopefully comfort him a bit. "Listen, Yuri, how many times must I tell you that I came to coach you? I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Victor started calmly. He wasn't just annoyed that Yuri would ask that kind of question, he was also worried. He was worried that if he didn't calm down the younger then he would have to speak to Yuri's family about it and he didn't want to do that... Not yet.

"Those are just empty words!" Yuri whispered hoarsely. He knew he should look at Victor while speaking to him but it was hard. He didn't want to see Victor's expression. He liked the feeling of the Russian's rough hand in his hair but...

Victor heard Yuri give a tiny gasp as he stood with the Asian in his arms. "What are you doing, Victor?" The dark haired skater clutched onto the green fabric tighter.

"I'm going to make sure you sleep." His blue - green eyes stared down at the brown eyed man as he slowly headed back to the bed. The reason he had gotten out of bed was because he had to go to the bathroom but he decided he could hold it until Yuri was asleep.

"Did I wake you up?" Yuri asked in a cute voice causing Victor to nearly trip over his own feet. Clearing his throat, the older man shook his head 'no' and responded with "bathroom".

"Oh, um, you didn't go yet because of me. I'm sorry." But Victor just pulled the covers back and laid Yuri under them carefully. Yuri watched as Victor walked to the other side of the bed and his cheeks began to burn. "W - wait." Victor looked at him quizzically. "Go to the bathroom first. I'll still be here when you get back."

"How do I know you won't leave?" Victor asked playfully, a large smile on his face. He knew Yuri wasn't going to go back to his room, especially in the state he was in now.

Growling as he hid his face in the pillow, Yuri sighed. "I promise I won't leave. I mean it!" ' _Besides, it's not like I'm calm from earlier. I guess I should be glad I decided to talk to Victor though I didn't look at him.'_ He heard the eclectic door shut, forcing him to focus on Victor's quickly fading footsteps only to hear another door shut for a minute. "Should I tell him why he left me all alone in my nightmare?" Yuri heard footsteps nearing the room and his heart began pounding in his chest. The door opened and he held his breath, waiting for Victor to get in the bed.

The bed creaked as Victor laid down and faced Yuri who was still hiding his face. "I'm glad you kept your promise." He smirked, finally getting the raven haired man to look at him. "I'll listen if you want to tell me but I'll let you know now that I've seen the best of you and the worst of you. And I choose both. I wouldn't leave you just because of whatever happened in your nightmare. I swear on my life, not just as your coach, friend and fellow competitor but as someone you hold dear to you."

"I'll tell you in the morning, okay?" Yuri moved closer to Victor so he was pressed against him and the silver haired Russian could wrap him in warmth.

 **I think they used eclectic sliding doors in the show but I could be wrong.** **I think eclectic looked right compared to the others I looked at. But correct me if I'm wrong. And also, I tried looking up to see if anything wasn't medically related to Yuri's body moving unconsciously but it turns out your body can't move on it's own without your brain's help... or having any medical issues. Plus, I had to download a love quote app because I got stuck and wanted something romantic in it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is before the rings... And someone pointed out what eclectic means and I am grateful for it. But I won't go back and fix it. Yuri still has some anxiety when it comes to dealing with major problems that have to do with Victor. And as for their relationship... I haven't thought about it yet. Also they are back in Hasetsu for a short break.**

It was dark and hard to breathe. Yuri opened his eyes and had to blink as he realized he was facing another man's chest. His breath hitched and memories from the night before came flooding back. ' _Victor... Oh God, I cried in front of him again! I didn't want him to see me like that a second time. I know I've gotten used to having this man around all the time and it seems that he's the reason why my anxiety has nearly vanished but that nightmare seemed to have brought some of it back.'_ The flustered twenty three year old pushed lightly on the older's chest, trying to carefully remove his arm from his back as well.

Fortunately, all Victor did was remove his arm, releasing the brown eyed man who quickly caught a breath of fresh air before sliding off the bed. The floor was freezing but Yuri didn't pay it any mind. His large eyes were focused only on the sleeping silver haired beauty as he tip toed towards the door. But, he didn't make his escape in time.

Victor, noticing that there wasn't any heat near him at all, opened his eyes quickly before sitting up. His vision was a bit blurry but he could still see a figure in a dark navy t - shirt and brown knee length shorts. They had black hair that seemed to be all over the place and the first name that popped into his head was 'Yuri'. His eyes widened and he jumped out of the twin sized bed, running the short distance towards the frozen young man. Pulling Yuri in by his shoulders, he whispered in Russian "Yuro, YA skazal tebe, chto budu slushat', tak pochemu ty uyezzhayesh'?"

The young Asian froze before relaxing. "Victor... I don't know what you just said." He whispered with a tad bit of sadness in his voice.

The blue – green eyed twenty seven year old pushed away and looked deep into the young skater's eyes. "I told you last night before we fell asleep that you could tell me anything. It's close enough to what I said in Russian but what I said is true."

It brought a small smile to the other's face for a moment before he frowned. "Let's go to the ocean. I don't want anyone from my family to hear." _'Especially the part of the nightmare where he didn't give an answer…'_ He received a small grin from the other and headed back to his room so he could change. Yuri wasn't completely prepared to tell Victor about his nightmare but he had said he'd tell him in the morning...

Victor was eager to speak to him; he wanted to hold him tightly and whisper sweet things in the jet black haired man's ear. ' _What am I thinking? I'm supposed to be listening to Yuri not trying to woo him!'_ He slipped on his normal black t – shirt, gray hoodie and sweatpants before smoothing out his silver hair. "He always comes first… I've known that since I first met him in the hot springs as his coach." He stepped out of his room quietly, noticing immediately Yuri was walking towards him.

He sported his usual navy blue long sleeved shirt and tight fitting black pants with a pair of black sneakers. Victor smiled, trying to ignore the worried look on Yuri's face. "Ready to go? We can take our time if you'd like."

Yuri face changed to surprise. "N – no. It's okay. Really. Besides, we should get a head start if we want to see the sunrise." He saw Victor's smile falter for a second as he passed but didn't say anything. The brown eyed skater didn't want to say anything yet.

"Ya lyublyu tebya." Victor mumbled underneath his breath, causing Yuri to shiver and tears well up in his eyes as his heart raced wildly.

 _'He said it… I can't believe he actually said it.'_ Yuri glanced back at the handsome man who was following closely but he wasn't looking at him. _'It's a good thing I asked Yurio to teach me some Russian.'_ He opened the front door and let Victor walk ahead before shutting it.

 _'I hope I didn't say I love you out loud… that would just be, well, embarrassing for the both of us. Of course I love Yuri and by his cute little actions when he's frightened, worried, etc. he usually comes to me. And when I had wanted to surprise him, I had actually really wanted to kiss him which I did of course but I'm glad he wasn't shocked by it.'_ Victor let his eyes wander towards the ocean where the sun was starting to peek out. "I think we might have to run." He laughed lightly and saw a smile cross Yuri's lips.

"I'll race you!" Yuri cried out and began running ahead.

 _'If I can see him smile until we reach the beach, I'll be a bit less worried.'_ The silver haired Russian thought as he ran to pass the young Asian.

Yuri didn't even need to look back to know how fast Victor was catching up. He could hear the Russian's footsteps hitting the pavement as they got closer and weresoon in front. _'It shouldn't come as a surprise that Victor's always been fast compared to me. He's an amazing person.'_ The younger stared at the other's back as he thought of how to begin the conversation. _'I want to be in your arms, where you hold me tight and never let go. I want you to kiss me while I fall deeper in love with you.'_ The brown eyed man turned his head towards the ocean. The morning sunlight had finally brightened the horizon but Yuri couldn't smile any longer as he watched it. It brought back the time he and Victor had their first serious conversation…

" _What is that you want me to be to you? A father figure?" Victor had sounded like he was afraid of Yuri's choice._

" _No." Yuri replied upsettingly._

" _A brother then? A friend? Then, your boyfriend, I guess. Then I'll try my best." The man still sounded scared but mostly upset until the other jumped up saying "no" repeatedly._

" _I want you to stay as you are! I've always looked up to you. I ignored you because I didn't want you to see my shortcomings." This surprised Victor yet also made him happy._

He felt heavy tears begin rolling down his cheeks he thought back to when they had finally began to understand each other and get along. _'I guess it's almost time to tell him. But, I'm scared and I don't want to cry again in front of him.'_

"Yuri." A soft voice made him turn. "Tell me what's wrong, please?"

Sniffling slightly, Yuri said "I did say I'd tell you. But can we sit somewhere?" Victor nodded with a small smile.

They headed to their usual spot where most of the seagulls came around. Victor couldn't help but stare as the brown eyed man hugged himself tightly, his knees to his chest. "In my nightmare, you decided to head back to Russia. It felt so real. You said you couldn't stand someone who kept messing up during a competition and that I would ruin you if you stayed as my coach. At first I couldn't say a word. I never thought I'd hear those words coming from you. By the time I was able to speak, you were already walking away. I cried out to you yet you didn't even stop or look back at me. It hurt so much; I felt all alone and worthless again…" he heard Victor move but didn't face him.

Victor had promised him last night that he wouldn't leave. "Yuri, look at me." Yuri quietly did so and saw that Victor looked serious.

"What is it?" Yuri stared before feeling warm hands on his cheeks. His brown eyes slightly widened as Victor began leaning forward, the wind blowing his hair from his face to show both bright blue – green eyes.

"Mogu li ya potselovat' tebya?" Victor calmly asked as the sunlight gently caressed Yuri's face. He nearly stopped breathing at the way the other's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink; the twenty three year old's lips slightly parted as his tongue poked out to lick those thin, beautiful lips lightly. And those brown eyes… they always seemed to captivate Victor when he stared into them.

 **I couldn't think of anything else to type so use your imagination. Sorry guys. And I'm sorry for the formatting. I downloaded Word on my phone and don't know how to do single line breaks on it. I've got a Moto Z I think it is.**

 **Yuro, YA skazal tebe, chto budu slushat', tak pochemu ty uyezzhayesh'? means Yuri, I told you I would listen, so why are you leaving?" I used Google Translate so I'm sorry if my translation is wrong. Plus, this is the only thing I could think of to have Victor say in Russian to Yuri.**

 **Ya lyublyu tebya means 'I love you'**

 **Mogu li ya potselovat' tebya? Means Can I kiss you?**

 **This is the last chapter! Please don't ask for another, I beg you. I really had a hard time working with this one plus I'm having a hard time on a Hetalia fanfic.**


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